Tips To Approach Women And Starting Conversations For Guys That Aren't Sure What To Do
This Article: Starting conversations, Dating after divorce, Chivalry and sexual tension
***QUESTION***
Hi, Dave. I've recently separated after 13 years of marriage and was pretty nervous about the dating scene.
I was immediately thinking of all the wussy stuff you're "supposed" to do on a first date and to attract a woman.
By chance, I got on your mailing list, and you answered the questions I had at the perfect time. I realized that I need to do the same thing I've been doing with women for the past 13 years--tease them and be funny.
I was never interested in dating my female friends, and I treated them as buddies, and they always chatted and danced with me at parties and told my wife she was lucky to have a guy like me.
Thanks to you, I know that I can keep being my cocky and funny self and I have a better chance of meeting women than by fawning over them. The preliminary flirting and meeting I've done so far has been good practice for me--I've gotten a few numbers, but more important, have been learning from my mistakes when I don't get one, and I'm going to get your ebook to learn even more so the mistakes become less frequent.
I do have a question though. I have been skimming the online dating sites, and I find that over 90% of the women's profiles say they're looking for a nice guy who will spend romantic evenings with them and be caring and attentive and all the "wussy" stuff you decry. What gives?
Does it make a difference that the online women are looking for long-term relationships and want something more stable, or are they fooling themselves and asking for something they're really not attracted to but think they should be?
Thanks again for you help! You saved me from the Sahara Desert of
Dating.
R.B.
Chicago, IL
David D:
Yes! You've asked one of my favorite questions of all time...
You're basically asking "Why is it that women all say that they want a guy who acts like a WUSSY?". And more importantly, why is it that women actually RESPOND to something totally different? Here it is in a nutshell:
We humans have NO IDEA what we REALLY want.
We THINK that we know what we want, but we don't.
We come into this world pre-programmed with all kinds of bizarre
drives and desires... but many of them are so strange that our
cultures and religions have made these natural drives "wrong".
Now, when you have a desire for something that is "wrong", what are you going to do? You can't exactly run around saying "I want the thing that everyone thinks is wrong". Of course not.
You'd be put in a looney bin and forced to take all kinds of
medication. Either that or you'd be a rock star.
Whatever.
Look... I spent MANY YEARS of my life trying to get women to like me by kissing up to them, being "nice", buying them thoughtful gifts, taking them nice places, and generally being a complete WUSSBAG.
Did it work?
Not so well.
Or course, I just figured that the reason that it wasn't working so well was because I wasn't good-looking or rich enough. Only after spending a lot of time learning from guys who were "naturally" good with women did I begin to see what was REALLY going on. The fact is that if you ask most women what they want in a man, they'll tell you that they want a "nice guy". They want someone who is "A good communicator". They want someone who is kind, thoughtful, and generous.
I have a theory about this. It's a dangerous idea, though.
I think that most women say that they want a nice, ass-kissing,
Wussy guy because...
...sit down for this...
THEY CAN'T FIND ANY REAL MEN IN THE WORLD, SO THEY DECIDE THAT
THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SETTLE FOR "NICE".
So stop paying attention to all this stuff that women SAY that they want, and start doing the things I'm teaching you and getting RESULTS. Thanks for your email. Good stuff.
***QUESTION***
hey my girl lives in wisconsin i aint see in her a while shes comin bac tommow and possibly movin in wit her cousin 2 blocks from my house im nervous what do i do
David D:
Well, if I read your email right, I gather:
1) You are not so sharp with words.
2) Your "girl" is also from Wisconsin.
3) She's moving in with her cousin, which tells me that they're
probably getting married.
4) That doesn't surprise me, based on your email.
If I were you, I'd go back to high school...
Until then, use the spell-check feature on your email or word
processor.
Please.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Dear David,
David DeAngelo, you are truly a GENIUS! No, seriously, I love your work! I’m writing to you from South Africa for two reasons. Firstly, I have to thank you!
I have always been a jock. I was able to get almost any girl I wanted! There were, however, those elusive few, the cream of the crop, that would never fall for my charms. For heaven’s sake, no matter what I tried, I just did not make the breakthrough! I was sure that I would forever have to do with less than I really wanted.
For anyone listening out there: NEVER settle for less! Rather read THE BOOK! I’ve been teasing, joking, telling girls what to do, what I want, prefer and absolutely need, what is wrong with them (Jokingly of course), what they’re doing that irritates me, basically saying and doing just what I want in a C & F way.
Suddenly the elusive few are like putty in my hands, telling me how DIFFERENT (!!!) I am and how GOOD(???) I treat them! They even tell me that I am “THE SWEETEST GUY EVER”! (This after doing everything possible to bust their balls!?). IT’S UNBELIEVABLE!
They ask ME for MY number (When I obviously tell them please not to call me too much or ask whether they’re always this eager or to please take it a bit slower) and what’s more, they call ME, almost every time! Even their unknown friends call me. I am having the TIME OF MY LIFE, and I’m ENJOYING IT EXTREMELY! My utmost thanks again, David, you changed me from good to masterful.
Now for the second reason: Everyone that’s reading this letter, BUY
THE BOOK! I also have a lot of experience in chatting up girls, I
have tried a lot of approaches, and David DeAngelo’s stuff is so far
THE MOST SUCCESSFUL! I love you, man. Keep it up.
PS. Read the book, “GET IT”, use it, become amazing!!!
PPS. David, is it possible for me to get your video series in South
Africa? I would love to buy that as well.
W.A. , Pretoria, South Africa.
David D:
Ah yes... it's amazing how these concepts will help you take your success with women to the next level, no matter where you're at now. I get a lot of email from guys who are handsome, successful, etc. who are finally enjoying success with women... now that they're learning the most important part of the equation.
Thanks for your email.
Oh yes, of course you can get my video program in
South Africa. Just order it. I'll ship it to you.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Hey David D,
I got your Advanced CD series and it opened my eyes to a TOTALLY different way of thinking.
It's not just about pick up lines or techniques, you really get into the psychology and evolution of why things happen and why we think the way we do...it's really deep, I enjoyed it...I listened to the whole thing in 3 days...really and I'm listening to it more and more. What I like about it is that I can hear you and your voice tone when delivering some of the techniques and answering questions from guys who have common problems...I love it.
I got it off of the free trial offer and no way am I sending it back. It's deeper than anything I've ever heard and talks about ATTRACTION, which is a subject no one ever talks about when it comes to women yet its the most important part.
If she's attracted to you, you're in, if she's not, you're out...simple! Thats part of my success, feeling better that I finally "get it" and starting to see the light. Something you said made a LOT of sense...either you get it or you dont.
If you get it, you'll see success, if you dont, you wont. With that said, I want to share some cocky+funny lines I've come up with on my own that work well for me:
"Hey, those are nice shoes. <pause...pause> Too bad some homeless kid is running around barefoot right now!"
"Those are some pretty earrings. I didnt know the toy store sold
earrings like that!"
"What a cute ring (or watch or whatever)! Did you get that with the
kids meal at (fill in your local restaurant here)?
(I cant believe this one works...) Like if a woman says something that SHOULD be obvious to everyone else you say: "Duh!...You're acting more blonde by the minute". And if the girl really is blonde, you can say: "Hey, I thought everyone knew that! You dont have to ACT blonde you know!" This is really pushing it but it works on most women.
Anyhow, I'll be out with some friends using your stuff like on the waitresses when we go out.
For instance, once the waitress asked to put my left over hot wings in a to-go box. I said "Ok, but you better not put any of my bones in there!" She said: "Ok, I'll put your bones in there then". (obviously playing along) She comes back and I check the box right in front of her and say: "Let's see if there's bones in here...hmm" But she knew I was playing.
So, it comes time for me to pay the bill and she hands me my bill but as I reach for it, she holds onto it and wont give it to me, then she finally does. She says: "Are you ready to pay?"
And I said: "Be patient! Geez, all you women want is my money...where are the normal women at?" My friend next to me says: "What are you doing? Dont say that! Thats mean!" (he and people that say that obviously dont "get it"...he tried to get her attention by being nice ad offering her gifts earlier and it didnt work) I knew it worked because on my way out she stopped to say "bye".
I didnt get her digits because I wasn't interested but I said to myself..."Boy, this stuff works!" I was happy too because at first I was blind, but now I can see, halleluah and amen!
I felt so good, I just wanted to share that with you, hopefully help
some of our other guys out there.
Thanks Dave!
GT from TN
David D:
Yeahhhh baby. Now you're starting to understand what's going on. Here's a quick story for you...
I was in Phoenix this weekend visiting some good friends of mine. We went out to a restaurant together. There were seven of us total. We were all sitting in a huge booth, and I was all the way on the inside. In other words, I was as far as I could have been from the waitress, and I had to yell over everyone else at the table to talk to her.
She walked up to the table to take our drink order. She was wearing
this dark outfit... I think her shirt was dark green, and her skirt
was black. With it, she had on a PINK BELT. So just as she walks up,
before anyone had a chance to say ANYTHING to her, I yelled out:
"I really like the way your belt ties the whole outfit together."
Of course, I said it in a sarcastic tone.
Now, most of the people at the table (all guys) didn't even get it.
They just kind of smiled and looked at me with the "What was that?"
look. As the evening went on, I continued to make fun of her
whenever I could (keep in mind, I had to yell over everyone to do
it, and when I was making fun of her, everyone at the table had to
hear it).
By the way, this girl was 20 years old, and pretty cute.
Now, as the evening went on, most of the guys at the table started to get a little bit nervous about what I was doing. I mean, this girl was actually starting to act like she was upset a few times at what I said to her. I was really pushing the envelope.
Toward the end of the meal, the guy sitting across from me began to ask me questions about what I do. Another friend of mine had told him that I write about women and dating, and he wanted to hear about some of my theories.
This particular gentleman is a very successful businessman. He's been a millionaire for over 20 years, as it turns out. I began by explaining to him that most guys tend to "kiss up" to women, chase them around, and do things to demonstrate that they're "nice"... but that most men never consider the fact that women feel a powerful emotional and physical ATTRACTION to something totally different.
I told him that the thing that made women feel ATTRACTION was often
teasing, busting on, and being difficult with women...
...and I went on to share some of my other theories with him.
At one point, I even told him that if you have the guts to ANTAGONIZE a women in a playful way, you can sometimes make her feel such a powerful attraction to you that she doesn't even know what to do. This guy was looking at me as if I was CRAZY. He was watching me tease this waitress, and seeing her act upset and offended at the things I was saying. He was totally convinced that what I was doing was making this girl HATE me.
All the other guys at the table were convinced of the same thing. Even my friends who KNEW me didn't think that this girl liked me. So what happened?
At the end of the meal, after she brought over the check, she walked
around the end of the booth so she could talk to me alone... Then
she reached over, pulled my hair... AND HANDED ME A NOTE WITH HER
NUMBER.
No, I didn't ask for it.
No, I wasn't even interested in her.
Of course, all the guys at the table were stunned... ESPECIALLY the
older successful guy sitting across from me that thought I was
crazy. It was a good time.
Thought you'd enjoy the story...
***QUESTION***
I have been reading your mailbags for quite sometime now and after
reading your book, I'm a little confused. You always said not to be
a wuss, but you mentioned in your ebook about opening doors and
pulling out chairs and doing other nice things when you go for
coffee or something. Isn't that being a wuss? Please break it down
for me.
J
Chicago, IL
David D:
Great question. Let me explain. There is a concept known as "Chivalry". Now, there is much debate about what chivalry actually MEANS...
But most people describe chivalry loosely as "Being a perfect gentleman, demonstrating perfect manners, and acting courteous towards women". Incidentally, the word was originally a French word that meant "horseman", and it has a lot of associations with knighthood. The image of a dark, handsome knight coming to rescue a princess who is in distress will give you an idea of how it all fits together.
Now, the PROBLEM comes when men begin to CONFUSE "chivalry" with "ass kissing". You've probably heard me say that most women know EXACTLY what "sexual tension" is, and most men have no idea. Same thing is true when it comes to chivalry.
Most women know EXACTLY what it is, and most men are so confused
that they would actually be better off if they knew NOTHING AT ALL.
If you could build a miracle device that could magically go inside
the minds of a thousand women and create a picture of what they all
thought "chivalry" was, here's what I think you'd find...
An image of a strong, masculine, adventurous man... one who needs
nothing... one who is very driven towards his own personal goals in
life... one who RADIATES sexual confidence...
...and then you'd see him doing certain things like opening a door
for a lady, pulling out her chair, walking on the outside of the
curb
to protect her, etc.
What you WOULD NOT EVER see is a weak, ass-kissing, apologetic, unmotivated, approval-seeking man who is opening doors and pulling out chairs to IMPRESS a woman.
Chivalry is ALL ABOUT the MAN doing the chivalrous things, not about
the things he's doing. In these newsletters you see a lot of letters
from guys who write in to say "I don't like the idea of teasing
women, being Cocky & Funny, and all the other things you say. I'm a
NICE guy. What happened to being a GOOD GUY? What happened to BEING
YOURSELF and having a woman like you for who you are?".
I'll tell you what happened to it. IT NEVER EXISTED. It's a fantasy,
just like the Easter Bunny, dude.
Here's a riddle for you. Why is it that when you always put your own
needs aside, put a woman on a pedestal, and do whatever she wants, a
woman is annoyed?
And why is it that when you put your own needs first, play "hard to
get", and give women a major CHALLENGE she says things like "You're
so nice"?
Answer:
WHO CARES!
The fact is that this is the reality we all live in. And it's time to get with the program, and do what works, rather than sitting around telling yourself that you're right and everyone else is wrong. This was a great email... it probably deserves a newsletter dedicated to this topic alone. I'll see what the feedback is on this particular comment, and maybe we'll do it sometime.
***COMMENT***
Your stories just seem 'too' tuned (made-up) to tell 'men' what they want to hear. As you said 'men' are too nice therefore naive! I have my own techniques and one things for sure - BEING TOO NICE IS NOT THE WAY! (Only on ugly or desperate women, right?) Yes!
At least give a few examples instead of telling guys what they wanna hear.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Bite me. I don't tell guys "what they want to hear". I tell guys
what they NEED to hear. I'm a pain in the ass, man. And I don't
really care whether or not you buy my ebook. In fact, please don't.
One thing that we both agree on...
Being "too nice" isn't the way with women.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Dave,
I used the most simple technique to test your methods and was absolutely AMAZED at the results. Simply put, I am in a bar and see a beautiful blonde and say to her "I love the dress, but your hair looks like s@#$". She immediately starts playing with her hair and runs into the bathroom.
She comes out 20 minutes later and and asks me how it looks now, which I say "better". She walks away and talks to her friends, only to come back to me 10 minutes later to sit down and flirt with me.
After a while she goes back to talk to her friends, and then comes back to me again and says "you are adorable" and keeps staring at me. She was absolutely 100% attracted to me.
She kept looking at me in a crazed sort of way that I NEVER experienced after all of those years being a "nice guy". A beautiful woman was practically stalking me and all I ever said was that her hair looked bad. That's all it took. THAT was incredible!
EK
St. Petersburg, FL
David D:
lol...
You know, I'm afraid that this newsletter is going to have guys
running out all over the world to insult women. If you're reading
this right now, make sure you are VERY FAMILIAR with the principles
of being Cocky & Funny, the voice tone and body language involved,
etc. before you attempt to use it.
If you choose to avoid this advice, you're very likely to get
yourself slapped.
...which is probably what you need anyway.
Where do you learn this stuff? Try my eBook. By the way, great
story. It's CRAZY how women will start telling you how "sweet" and
"cute" and "nice" you are when you tease them.
This article continued on this page >>
I've spent YEARS figuring out this area of my life for MYSELF. I took the time to try all kinds of crazy ideas, and test everything I learned. Most of it didn't work. Most of it sucked. I wasted more time trying stupid things than anyone I know.
But the good news is that I figured it out. I took myself from not being able to even walk over and talk to a woman to being able to date the most beautiful and intelligent women alive. And now I've created the programs that I WISH I had when I started. I'm serious about this.
And it seems to be working pretty well. You can download my eBook here.
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