How To Call To Ask A Woman Out Without Losing Your Confidence
This Article: Don't lose your confidence, The magic formula, How to impress her
I have a question for you...
When you get a woman's number and you're picking up the phone to call and "ask her out", does it bother you?
Do you get freaked out?
Do you start thinking about exactly what you're going to say, how you're going to say it, how to deal with her rejecting you... etc.? Do you ever get NERVOUS when you're dialing the phone? You know that feeling when you just start getting anxious for no logical reason, and you just CAN'T control it? Have you ever had to actually HANG UP because you were so damn freaked out... and you just couldn't follow through with it?
OK, now another set of interesting questions...
Have you ever called a woman, and started talking to her, only to realize that she was in a COMPLETELY different mood from the last time? Have you ever had a woman "turn cold" on you all of a sudden? It's almost like you're talking to a different person from the girl you met just a day or two before... and it makes no sense to you... right?
And finally...
Have you ever worked up the nerve to call, gotten her on the phone, had a great conversation, but when it came time to ask her out, you froze up because you didn't know what to say?
Or even worse, have you ever gotten to the end of the conversation and asked her out, only to have her answer with:
"Well, maybe... call me Friday afternoon... OK?"
or...
"Actually, I'm going to be busy all this week, but thanks for
asking... (silence)"
...?
Have you ever had one of those conversations where you could just TELL that something wasn't right... and that she wasn't going to be taking you up on your date offer, or calling you back at all anytime soon?
So why all the problems? What is it about this particular few minutes of time that constantly ends in problems for guys?
I personally think that this issue comes down to a few key DEEPER
ISSUES. And I think that if you don't have these other issues
"handled", you're going to keep running into problems... and NEVER
even know WHY...
...which sucks.
I mean, it's bad enough to keep having a particular problem and not figure out how to solve it... but the idea that the solution is in doing something you would never think of is a little bit maddening. In other words, I think that this is all about understanding the problem, and actually PREVENTING it from coming up... rather than trying to "solve it" in the moment.
Let me put it this way...
If you're dialing the phone, and you're starting to feel nervous,
then it's already too late to solve the problem. No quick fix will
help you. Or if you're on the phone with her and you have just asked
her out on a date, and she says "Um, let me call you back in a few
days and tell you"... and you start to get that sinking feeling
because you know she's blowing you off... IT'S TOO LATE.
There's no "magic pill" at this point. The answer is PREVENTION.
THE MAGIC FORMULA
So let's take a few minutes and talk about the issues and what CAUSES them. Here are some of the "root causes", and how I see them...
1) Having no other options.
If you're sitting at the phone with ONE phone number in your hand, and you haven't been out on a date in a long time, and you are feeling DESPERATE, you're probably going to get VERY nervous. When you have no other options, the single one in front of you becomes VERY valuable.
Translation: You want it TOO badly.
This AUTOMATICALLY triggers your emotional system, because at some level you realize that if you screw this up, it's all over. And you know that it's all going to happen in just a few SECONDS. The pressure is too much!
2) Putting too much importance on a single girl.
Now, if you have a girl that you've been dating for six months, and you've decided that she's one in a million, it makes sense to put a lot of importance on your relationship with her.
But if you don't know a girl very well, or you haven't even dated her at all, then you are only setting yourself up for major disappointment by putting too much importance on ANY girl.
3) Thinking you need to IMPRESS her.
This is a HUGE issue. Most men "unconsciously" behave and communicate like they're trying to IMPRESS the woman of their desires. When you think about this, it only makes sense... of course you'd want to impress the woman you like... so she'll think you're a cool guy and want to be with you.
But have you ever thought for a moment how an interesting, attractive woman sees it when a guy is TRYING to IMPRESS her?
Well, here's the INSTANT and UNCONSCIOUS response that women have:
"He's trying to hard. There's something wrong. This guy must have
something he's trying to hide... and he must be pretty insecure."
In other words, the INSTANT you do something or say something that is an obvious attempt at impressing a woman, her radar system screams: "WUSSY!"
4) Having expectations and being attached to them.
You might think of this one as a variation of "wanting it too much"... only slightly different. When you start getting your hopes and expectations up, you begin to get ATTACHED to them. Then you run the risk of HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT to your little fantasy.
Bad idea.
Women don't guys who assume too much, act too comfortable, or fall
for them too quickly. Remember, attractive women have guys falling
for them left and right.
In fact, they almost EXPECT guys to go out on one or two dates with
them, then say "You know, I really like you..." and other equally
predictable sentiments.
Just like being desperate can destroy your chances with a woman, liking a woman too much, too fast, and creating expectations leads to crazy, stupid mistakes as well.
Now, think over what I just said...
I'm basically saying that if you want to cure the problem of freaking out when you call women to ask them out, and the problem of screwing it up when you have that first conversation and ask them out the first time, then you have to go INSIDE first... and do some preventative maintenance on yourself.
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