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This article is one in a series and an introduction to the Double Your Dating ebook. It's just a small part of the great information you'll find in the Double Your Dating eBook.
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You know, it's been too long since we talked about how to get a woman's email address and phone number quickly after meeting her. I thought it might be time to have another conversation about it, and give you some more great ideas...

THE CHALLENGE...

I can still remember exactly what it was like before I learned some of the secrets of how to meet women. I have very clear memories of women that I saw literally YEARS ago who I wanted to meet... but I just didn't know what to do or how to do it. In some of the cases, I was actually talking to the girl, enjoying a conversation... and REALLY wanting to ask her for her number... but I just didn't do it.

But WHY?

Why didn't I just say "Hey, give me your number?" The fact is that I was AFRAID.

I was afraid that I'd say the wrong thing, or that the woman I was talking to would say "no", or that I'd offend her... or whatever. At the time, I always assumed that this was some kind of strange curse that I had. I was afraid of women, and didn't know what to say to them, and I was ALONE.

In other words, I not only felt like I had a SERIOUS insecurity issue and fear, but even WORSE, I didn't feel like I could TELL anyone about it... or get help. I felt like a dork if I even MENTIONED the topic to other guys... as if even talking about it made it clear that I was a loser who didn't deserve even an answer.

So here I was, over and over again, in situations where I would see women I wanted to meet... but I just didn't know what to do.

And I didn't know what would happen if I DID do something. I was afraid of the unknown.

Eventually, this led me to believe that there was probably something wrong with ME that I should just accept and deal with... and that I'd probably wind up either alone or having to settle for a relationship with a woman I wasn't attracted to.

Ever been there?

THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION...

Well, when I finally made the decision to learn about how to meet women on MY terms, I made it my goal to learn how to get women's phone numbers. I "naturally" assumed that if I was able to get a woman's number, that would be the key. That was the "hard part" to me. If I could approach women and get their numbers quickly, I thought I would be "The Man".

So I went to work. Here's what I learned...

To begin with, I learned that most women will respond somewhere between "neutral" and "positive" to being "approached" by a man.

Explained differently, out of the hundreds and hundreds of times that I've started conversations with women and seen my friends start conversations with women, I have VERY, VERY rarely seen a woman respond by getting upset, saying something rude, or acting offended.

The typical worst case scenario is a woman not even stopping and just walking away, or responding coldly. And like I said, this is a typical WORST case.

Another important lesson that I learned is that when a woman responds in a way that is something other than positive and receptive, it's usually about HER, not about ME. In other words, either she's not a nice person, she's not available, she's in a hurry, she's in a bad mood, or whatever... things that aren't within my control, and that aren't my fault (or problem). I also realized that I was CAUSING a major problem for myself without even realizing it...

I used to have this idea that it would be better if a woman didn't think that I was "interested" in her. I thought that if I could figure out a way to start a conversation and make her like me because I was a "nice guy", then I could somehow get her to see me in a "more romantic" light later on.

HUGE MISTAKE.

Little did I know, but women ASSUME that you're interested in MORE than friendship from the very beginning, no matter WHAT you do or say. So when you try to act all innocent and friendly, like you just want to be friends, women usually assume that you're HIDING something, or that you're just another major Wuss Boy...

This is a bad thing.

I learned that it is FAR better to make no excuses at all and NEVER try to cover up the fact that you're approaching her.

Later on, as you're talking to her over tea or coffee, and you're teasing her, making fun of her, and busting on her, SHE'LL start to wonder on her own what the hell is going on... which is perfect. In the beginning, just be damn good at what you're doing... and don't try to cover it up or pretend.

Pretending that you're a nice, friendly guy who's only starting an innocent conversation is a direct express route to an evening of self touching.

THE GOODS...

OK, so here are a few pointers and updates:
1) It's OK To Ask Immediately...
It STILL amazes me that a woman will give her phone number and/or email address to a guy after only a minute or two of conversation. But it's true.
If you act cool about it, so will she.
Do this: After talking for a minute or two, say "I'm going to get back to my friends" (Or whatever you were doing), and then turn away from her and begin to leave.
If you're getting ready to actually LEAVE the place where you are (say you're at a bar, and you're getting ready to go home or go somewhere else), it's even BETTER.
In that case, say "We're going to leave... it was nice talking to you"... then turn away.
Now, just after you break eye contact and turn away, TURN BACK and say "Hey!"
She'll look back up, and be surprised...

2) Start With Something "Low Risk"
...as she looks up, ask "Do you have email?" in a calm, normal tone of voice.
When she says "Yes", say "Great, give it to me, I'd like to talk to you again".
Then pull out a pen, and hand it to her.
As she's writing down her email address, just as she writes the @ symbol (in other words, in the middle), say "...and write your number there too...".
Finally, tell her to write her name down as well.
Why do it this way?

Good question.

-At first you're asking "Do you HAVE email?" This is a no-brainer. If she does (and most women do), she'll say "Yes". You're just treating the "yes" as if she said "Yes, I'll give it to you...". It's a smooth, easy way to ask a "low risk" question, and have a woman be the MOST likely to give you her information.
-Email is considered "safe". I mean, what are you going to do, send her 100 emails a day? Ooooohhh, scary.
-You're waiting until she's actually in the MIDDLE of writing down her email for you to ask her to also write her number down. This makes it FAR more likely that she'll give you her number. At this point she's already demonstrating to you and her that she's OK with you contacting her again... and since she's ALREADY writing, she's very likely to just KEEP writing... her number.

3) The "Do You Have A Card" Variation
You can also ask "Do you have a card?" if you choose.
This is a classy, low risk way to ask a woman for her contact information.
Now, a lot of women DO NOT have cards, so you're going to need the follow-up for when she says "No, I don't have one on me"... which is "Well, invent one for me!".
This is funny, charming, and smooth.

Just take out a pen, and hand it to her.
She'll know what to do.

4) Be Ready
Probably half to two thirds of the time, a woman will just write down her email for you. It's AMAZING how easily women will give out their email addresses.
But sometimes you'll meet with resistance.
I can't go into all of the millions of possible scenarios, but I will talk about the most COMMON one.
Probably a quarter of the time, a woman will say something like "I don't give out my email to people I don't know" or "I don't even know you" etc.
This one used to REALLY stump me... until I found a simple solution...
Here it is: Just point to the paper, and say "Write it down".
If she keeps resisting, make a joke. Say "It's OK, just write it down. I'll only email you every five minutes for the next month."
The SIMPLE "Write it down" works wonders.

You'll probably overcome HALF of the "I don't give out my email/number" comments with this one simple answer. Use it.

5) Mentally Rehearse
One of the greatest investments you can make in yourself is MENTAL REHEARSAL. Take some time to imagine exactly what it's going to be like when you ask a woman for her email/number. Close your eyes, and picture a situation.
Imagine how you're going to be standing, what you're going to say, what she's going to say, how you're going to take out the pen and hand it to her, how you're going to answer any objections that she gives you.
Don't wait until you're in the situation to realize that you don't know how to handle something!
You'll realize all kinds of great stuff when you mentally rehearse.
You'll be vividly imagining a great conversation, then you'll get to the part where you ask "Do you have email?" and she says "Yes", and you say "Great, give it to me, I'd like to talk to you again..." and as you mentally put your hand in your pocket you'll realize that you don't usually carry a pen with you!
Or you'll realize that you don't carry paper with you.
Or you'll realize that your pen is usually in your jacket, which is usually on the back of your chair, and not with you at the bar.

When you mentally rehearse, you program yourself for success. Do it!

6) Don't Sell Too Far In Advance
This is SUCH an important concept. Maybe even the most important thing I'm going to say. When you're getting a woman's email and number, DO NOT try to convince her to marry you on the spot!
Don't "ask her out".
Don't tell her that your mom is going to love her.
Don't ask typical stupid questions like "Do you have a boyfriend"... and make it seem like you're qualifying her for marriage.
No no nooooo!

As a matter of fact, the ONLY thing you want to do is get her information. Many guys make the mistake of talking about going out on a date, being interested, etc. or tipping the woman off in some way that he's VERY interested in her.
This creates pressure and resistance. There's ZERO mystery or tension created when you do this stuff.
All you have to say is "I'd like to talk to you again". That's enough.
And by the way, when you DO talk to her again, make sure you avoid the same mistake! Don't talk future and relationship and marriage then either.

Just take things to the next step, which should be a simple thing like "Tea and stimulating conversation". One small step at a time, and don't sell too far in advance... ever. It only creates resistance and nervousness on the part of the woman when you hint that you're "interested" in a big way.

So there you go... you've now learned how to get a woman's email and number within minutes of first meeting her. Use this stuff, it's taken me YEARS to figure it all out...

And if you'd like to know what to do AFTER you get her email and number, I have some advice for you. Check out my Advanced Dating Techniques Series.

Remember at the beginning of this email when I mentioned that I originally thought to myself that if I could get a woman's number fast, I would be "the man"?

Well, I quickly learned that there is A LOT more to this than just being able to get numbers fast (although being able to get a woman's number in 2 or 3 minutes doesn't exactly suck)...

There are many steps between first meeting a woman and getting her to feel a POWERFUL GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for you... and between her feeling that attraction and the two of you "getting physical".

If you know all the steps, and how this all works it will likely go very smoothly and naturally. If you DON'T know all the steps, it will likely NOT go smoothly AT ALL, and you'll run into more problems than you can imagine.

Did this article shine some light on your present dating success and how you can improve? Sure it did.

David D.