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David,

What happens when two people meet who BOTH have a great grasp of your theories? A standoff? Dueling cockiness? If neither is willing to give up power, will there EVER be a point at which they let some guard down and start to really communicate? You teach us to avoid getting into personal details...if one of us isn't interested, fine, but if that never happens, how can there ever be any reality? OK, so I like her, and grow to love her, and finally ask her to marry me, all the time being cocky and funny in order to maintain her attraction. She may say no because I haven't allowed her to get to really know me. I don't want a standoff. Someday I want a wife.

>>>MY COMMENTS: Let me give you a little hint...

If you do find such an amazing woman, and she sticks around long enough to be marriage material, then you're going to KNOW whether or not she'll accept your proposal. You're talking about the above as if it's not desirable... on the contrary, women like the one you're describing, who can create as much chemistry as you can... who can keep stepping up and staying interesting... who have a grasp of the theories are the MOST FUN...

You're turning what is probably a wonderful potential situation into a mental drag. Get over it, and realize that if you find such a great woman, you'll both realize when it's time to come clean and "let the guard down." But PLEASE never confuse "letting your guard down" with TURNING INTO A GIRLY-MAN. If she's attracted to it at the beginning, chances are she'll be attracted to it 20 years from now.

Moral: Don't let your failure fantasies prevent you from doing what you know is best.

***QUESTION***

"I don't get it Dave, Are you saying that i should never buy a woman a gift or dinners, so that she doesn’t think of me as a "WUSS"?

>>>MY COMMENTS:

No, I'm saying you should never ACT LIKE A WUSS so she doesn't think of you as a wuss.
Big difference.

I have more than one friend that likes to take women out to dinners... and they are very successful with women. But you must understand that they are SO AWESOME when it comes to being attractive to women that IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT THEY BUY DINNER.

Most guys buy dinner because they DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, and they think they need to pay to have a woman's attention... that they need to use a bribe. Big wuss behavior, if you know what I mean.

Rule of thumb: If you find yourself surrounded by women who won't leave you alone, and you just don't have time to see all of them, then you'll know that it's OK to take a woman out to dinner when you first meet her. On the other hand, if you don't know what you're
doing with women, then chill on the dinner and gift program. It isn't helping.

***QUESTION***

"Hi David,

I really enjoyed your newsletter on where to take your dates without paying big bucks. Your suggestions where great... if you live in a city. Unfortunately I attend college in a small town which means that there is basically nothing to do. Of course they have art galleries here but I'm pretty sure that if I'd take my date to a place like that you'd only think that I'm pretentious. Obviously there are a lot of parties around, however, I don't really want to take someone to a party on a first date. What to do, what to do?
J."

>>>MY COMMENTS:

DRIVE to a big city. Gas is cheap. And it will be an adventure. Buy some red licorice and chips for the road. Cummon, use that creative mind of yours!

***PRICELESS EMAIL FROM A WOMAN***

"A friend introduced me to your newsletters and I wasn't sure what to think at first. But, when I watched my friend actually use these techniques in public, I was shocked to see that women flocked to HER. Yes, we are both women, and it apparently works just as well for women who are trying to pick up women.

My question is this: I dated a woman a few years back. She is a stripper, but surprisingly she does not do any drugs, drink, or even smoke cigarettes. I had a lot going on in my world at that time, and so I kind of let the relationship fizzle. Three years later, I found myself thinking about her. I decided to go ahead and call. She was surprised to hear from me and I think she knew I was curious about seeing her again; hooking up with her again. I let her know I was going out with a few friends for some drinks (completely casual), if she wanted to go. She said it sounded good and she would call me later that day to confirm. Well, she never called and I was feeling pretty frustrated. But then at 1:30 AM that night, my phone rings and guess who it is. We talked for about an hour and a half. The conversations seemed to go pretty well, and she said she wanted to see me that next day around 5pm or 6pm. I said it would be nice to see her, and I'd be in and out of my apartment all day, so she should call my cell phone. I ended the conversation as well. But then the next day (yesterday), she never called at all. I'm not sure I know what the hell is going on here. She wasn't the game playing type years ago, but who knows what she is up to now. I'm not sure what my next step should be. Do I wait for her to call, and chance that she might not call? Or do I give it some time and call again? OH, I did get her email address though, but I'm still not sure what to write, without letting her know that I was pretty disappointed I got blown off.
OH, and I really didn't think that I'd enjoy these newsletters, and now I'm starting to look forward to them...thanks."

>>>MY COMMENTS:

I know, I know... now I'm giving women advice on how to pick up strippers. The nerve of some people. And I know what you're thinking... "This can't be real." But, like every single other letter that I've included in every single other Mailbag, it's real.

So, to answer your question...
The first thing you need to do is HAVE ME CALL HER! I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER.

Oh, sure she'll be a little jealous when she finds out that I'm in the picture. She'll come around. And we'll all be one big happy family... trust me. But really, you need to do what you should already know how to do: PLAY HARD TO GET. Don't call her more than once or twice a week, keep busy, let her know you're dating other women, and do the chick thing. Didn't you read "The Rules"? And keep these emails coming... I want to hear ALL the details when you reel her in.

***QUESTION***

"Brother Dave,

Success story: I bought your book eight weeks ago and applied the techniques to K.: email close at Borders Books, kiss close on date two, then stalled on date three, but date four: yee-haw! Especially, it helped to remember "no" means "turn me on more." ...

Question: What to answer when in bed, just after the first sex, she asks, "What is love?" Is this a time to cocky/funny? Evasive?
C."

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yes. That's exactly what to do. You don't want to be getting into the love conversation for oh, about another SIX MONTHS.
This is just an intuition, but you might want to cut this one short... Unless, of course, she looks like that hot new brunette GUESS model... in that case maybe go with it...s

***COMMENT***

"Hello David,

I've been reading your e-mails for some time now and have thoroughly enjoyed the insight that you impart. I especially like reading your e-mails because what you have to say is totally common sense... ah, but there's the rub... "common sense" is one of the most uncommon things in this world. Anyway, I'd like to share a success formula that I've used for a good number of years, and which is consistent with your "buying dinner for a woman is not a way to make her feel attraction..." I figured that out on my own a long time ago, but never really spelled it out as directly as you do. Anyhow, my success formula usually starts out with the "hey, I like to spend time at this coffee place near my house, why don't you meet me there tomorrow" type of thing. Once we're there (I arrive a little late, usually after she has arrived and bought her own coffee) the conversation eventually get around to food. I am pretty much a health nut, and I date only very fit women. This is an easy way to get into a conversation about how restaurants don't really serve food that is delicious and good for you... anyway, next comes the "hey why don't you pick up some groceries, your favorite things, and I'll cook us a nice dinner at my house." This is great, because I don't pay for the food, it gets her to participate in the set up of the date, and provides a very easy what to establish an attraction... I find that almost every woman I've ever met finds a man who can cook (even badly) to be attractive. Of course, you can't set the expectation that you want to cook for her all the time, that makes you look like a overeagerly-anxious-to-please wuss...but it is a great way to start off: it's cheap, it's attractive, it's polite, and it works. Cheers,
P., Raleigh, NC"

>>>MY COMMENTS:

You, my friend, are the man. This is a GREAT idea, and more guys should do things like this.
***APPLAUSE***

***QUESTION***

"Hi David, your book is great and I love the emails. I had a blind date yesterday that went really well. Met her at a cafe. I put her off a couple of times and then when we met I was relaxed and funny (I hope). I said I had to leave after an hour. She wanted to talk outside and I think we both felt attraction. Question: what would be the best next move? I plan to call her on her cellphone (didn't get her email) and ask her to meet me at a cultural market on Saturday. It's a great place to go where I can practice my cocky/funny routine. Any thoughts?
S."

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Here, let me try a little analysis on you. You say "...when we met I was relaxed and funny (I hope)..."
You HOPE? Look, don't make me call you GIRLY-MAN in front of thousands of readers looking for a good excuse to laugh.

I'll do it.

Back to Morphius in the Matrix: "Don't THINK you can. KNOW you can."

And don't "ask" her to meet you... tell her that you're going and she should come along to entertain you. Tell her she should watch some good live comedy between now and then to brush up. Have fun. And quit being unsure of yourself. It's not attractive.

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