This article is one in a series and an introduction to the Double Your Dating ebook. It's just a small part of the great information you'll find in the Double Your Dating eBook.
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***QUESTION***

Dave --

Hey, your advice works wonders! It is amazing how much it works. I tried it on this girl I hardly knew, and we hit it off real well. In fact, we hooked up, and that was pretty cool.

I need advice, though. The girl and I started to really hit it off, and we became closer everyday. Then, we started talking, and it seemed as though we were over, and I was devastated. She's really cool and REALLY hot. We kept talking, and she ends up telling me that she needs to know herself before she knows me, so she asks for time, and that I be her friend in that time. My question: how do I keep her falling head over heels for me while I give her the time, and that she doesn't become another friend.
Again, thanks for the great advice.

David D. >>>MY COMMENTS:

OK, let me do a little translation for you...

If a woman says "I need time to get to know myself" or "I need to find myself" or any variation of this common theme, it usually means: "YOU WERE ACTING LIKE A WUSS, BEING CLINGY, AND GENERALLY NOT A CHALLENGE ANYMORE. I WANT YOU TO LEAVE, BUT I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, SO I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THAT I NEED TIME TO "FIND MYSELF" TO GET YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE WITHOUT A HASSLE."

I'm harsh, aren't I?

Well, here's the deal. In general, if you become too predictable, too involved, too needy, too wuss-ish, and too "head over heels" too early in the relationship, it will drive a woman away. Think about it this way: The REALLY attractive women have guys chasing them FAR more than the average/below average women. You need to do something DIFFERENT, while at the same time being ATTRACTIVE.

Probably the best thing you can do when you finally meet a really great girl is call her HALF as much as you normally would, and give her twice the space. Think about it.

***COMMENT***

I just got back from eating with a woman I started dating 3 weeks ago. Somehow we got on the topic of what she likes in a man and what is the quickest time she has ever jumped in the sack with one. She stated that she met a guy one night and slept with him the next. She said that she did it only once in her life and then gave me the reason why she did that time. She stated that all the guys she dated before him would always say something on the wild side, that she was really interested in doing, but would back down and say, "oh, I was just kidding" when she looks at them to see if they were serious. She said that this guy she slept with the next night and I are the only two men that have ever said something cocky and funny and not flinched when she looked on in disbelief. In fact, I would look at her and repeat things I said whenever she looked at me with that "I can't believe you just said that to me," stare. She tells me it is such a turn-on.

I had only begun to do this after subscribing to your website newsletter about a month or two ago... I would just like to thank you for the advice and tell the other guys to stick by what they say, no matter how off the wall it may sound.
B.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

This is JEDI LEVEL wisdom, read it again.

***QUESTION***

Dear David,

Great stuff. I was that nice guy... after reading your book and your e mails I have been able to change into the cocky and funny guy. The other day one of the 3 women I am dating called giving me a little grief. I said you know maybe we should not see each other any more and she was like but I have been thinking about you all weekend PLEASE come over now and F#% me, after a little delay I agreed it was great. I do have a ? The one I really like who is totally hot never makes the first move and while she is very receptive when I do it, would be great to get her to seduce me, any suggestions?...
c.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

For some reason, I LOVE your question... how fun is it to have a woman pursuing YOU? OK, here's a tip from my personal experience... Next time you're with her, and you've started getting physical... just when you know that she's really enjoying what's going on (and it can be at any stage, kissing, etc.) just stop. Then whisper in her ear "You want more, don't you?... you're going to have to say PLEASE."

Then just keep working up to the same level and saying the same thing until she finally does. Once you've done this, it's easy to transfer the same idea to other things, like getting her to make the first move.

Note: This is all done with a very playful, teasing tone. It's not a psychological control strategy... Keep things on the nice nice, don't be a controlling loser. Done right this can be a big turn on for all involved.

***QUESTION***

Dave,
I did exactly what you had said for the personals... I actually cut and paste your letter, made one or two changes and I actually got a
response... Now, you talk about getting that phone number? How?

What should I say in the e-mail not to come off like a looser, but to come off confident, cocky, and funny?
Thanks!

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Can I just tell you how much I love it when guys actually go out and USE the materials? This is great stuff...

OK, step two is to get her live on the phone, and to do it soon. You don't want this to take too long or she's likely to get 100 more emails and forget about you.

Try a cocky funny response like this: "Wow, you're a real person. Great. I guess we have a couple of options here. We could start an email relationship, fall madly in love, and maybe even get a priest to marry us in a live chat ceremony...

Then again, maybe we could get together for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation and make friends. And then after I can validate that you're actually the cute gal in this picture I saw of you, we can talk about the online marriage thing.

Give me a call tonight. My number is [insert number here]. I'm a pretty busy person, and I can't guarantee that I'll be home, but give a try. And please call before 11 PM because that's when my mom makes me go to sleep. By the way, where can I reach you if I want to call you ten times a day?
Talk soon."

I'm a funny guy.

But all kidding aside, this is a KILLER model for a follow up letter to a personal ad response. It says so many things in the right way that you're very likely to get another response, probably a call, and probably her number.

***COMMENT***

David,

A few weeks back you used what I think is one of the most important words in dating (next to cocky and funny of course) that word is "NEXT."

We always want the one that we can't get. Forget that! I say NEXT. If you have this idea of "Next" in your brain, you will come across as a man who is not needy and you will be more attractive to women. Why waste time with woman who are not interested? Its a lot more fun to find a nice looking lady who wants to be with you then it is to chase someone who isn't interested.
The book was great. Keep up the great work!

>>>MY COMMENTS:

This is another psychological step that is very important. I get so many emails from guys who have met a great girl, but they screwed it up because they made her "too important" mentally. In other words, when things started to get difficult, instead of taking the attitude of "NEXT" (which creates all kinds of attraction), they CLING and act NEEDY and generally do EXACTLY THE THINGS THAT CAUSE THE WOMAN TO HIT THE ROAD FOR GOOD. Much better to have the mental attitude of "I'm going to enjoy this woman's company for as long as it stays a good thing. The moment that she becomes a strain or a pain I'm out of here. I don't need problems or drama in my life, and my happiness is more important than this woman."

The first response to this is usually "But this woman is SPECIAL. She's not like other women. She's the one."
Blah blah blah...

If she's the ONE, then all the more reason to take this attitude. "THE ONE" ISN'T LOOKING FOR A WUSS. The "NEXT" attitude will do a lot of good things for your success with women. Use it.

***QUESTION***

David,

I got your mailbag, and bought your book right away a few months ago and it has truely changed my life. Thank you. I realized that in all of my relationships I have been a total wuss and that is why I was not having sucess. I am actually a pretty funny guy (amatuer stand up comedian) but I am not cocky at all. As soon as I added a bit of cocky to my usual sacarstic humor, the success followed.

My problem is this. I met a woman who is an extremely skilled player. We went out as "freinds" and then it escalated nicely (kiss test worked like a charm) and then it got really screwed up when I had to leave the country for a month on business and things got a bit muddled. When I returned we went out right away and I missd her so much I fell back in to my wussie ways and I think I ruined it, in only one 6 hour date!

Since then I have been trying to turn the tables. I mean I try to end the conversations first all the time but she just seems to beat me to it each time, like she is psychic or something. I try to tell her I am busy and I'll have to call her back but unless I do it at an awkwardly early point in the conversation she always seems beat me to it. I want to send the "I like you but you haven't got me wrapped around your finger" message, not the "I'm not thinking about you at all while everything around me in society screams 'couple' and 'romance'" message.

Thanks again for all your help and advice.

To anyone who has not dowloaded the book, you deserve the miserable lonely nights I know you are going through, put a crowbar in your wallet and get the full information!

>>>MY COMMENTS:

I like the crowbar idea. As for your situation. You've learned an important lesson the hard way. When I think about women and attraction, I imagine it like an on/off switch. If it ever gets turned off, it's VERY hard to turn it back on. ESPECIALLY if you're dealing with a woman like the one you're talking about who is very experience and knows the game well.

The best thing you can do is start dating other women, not call her for a month or so, then drop her a line and say "Hey, let's get together for a cup of tea. You were a nice friend..." Then tell her about what's going on in your life (the other women, I mean).

YOU'VE LOST CONTROL, AND YOU NEED TO TAKE IT BACK. 'Nuff said.

***QUESTION***

Hey Dave,
I am a 23 year old single father i having a tough time getting a date because i have a kid. Most of the girls i ask out, I tell them I have a kid and they dont want to be any more than just friends. Any suggestions?

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yes, I have one for you...

STOP THINKING OF YOUR KID AS A LIMITATION. I'm going to suggest that you don't have a tough time getting a date BECAUSE you have a kid... it's because you THINK IT'S A PROBLEM. Just don't bring it up early on. Don't answer any questions about your status as a father. Make a decision to share that info only with women who are EXCEPTIONAL.

If a woman is REALLY attracted to you, she'll overlook almost ANYTHING. I mean, hey... look at Motley Crue and Guns 'N Roses...

***QUESTION***

Hi David!!

I just wanted to tell you that what you say in your emails is true and it works. I'm from a small central american country and your advice works on women here too!!! Now to my question, I met this gorgeous girl, she is incredible and hot as hell. But I have competition, some guy who doesn't know a thing about women (he should subscribe to your newsletter, dont you think), but she seems a little interested in him and interested in me too. What would you suggest to "neutralize" him?

Thanks,
A.

P.S.: I used the cocky and funny technique and it worked!!!! thanks for sharing you wisdom"

>>>MY COMMENTS:

If you focus on the competition it will only distract you and cause you problems. Forget other guys and what they're doing. Just focus on what you're doing and your own success.

It's very natural to let competition upset you... and jealousy is a very real emotion. But remember, it isnt' going to help you in most cases. Just do your best, keep using the techniques, and stick to your methods. Chances are that any other guys involved will screw it up at some point, and you will be the one left with the prize.

Note: In situations like this one, us guys often start to put too much value on getting the girl BECAUSE there are other guys involved. We think to ourselves "Well, this other guy likes her, so she must be something REALLY special. Even more than I thought." This leads to making all kinds of mistakes, being a wuss, acting clingy, etc. Don't fall into this trap.

***QUESTION***

I need some help and i think that you have the best advice so here is the problem, I like this girl at my college and she works at the college bookstore. A while back i was buying books and she was asking me questions and being super friendly, then the following semester she said hi to me on campus but like a dip sh** I didnt respond. Now i really want to hook it up but have this feeling that she is not interested anymore. Everytime I see her we make eye contact but I can't tell if she wants me to go in for the kill. Please help me so i can go right up to her and talk to her, I'm having trouble starting out the conversation.

Thanks.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

No killing please. Why don't you just go in for the email instead? Much less messy. Just get her email and then take it one step at a time. This is the best way to find out if it can go somewhere...

***GREAT STORY***

David-
I was enjoying a bagel this morning in the outdoor chairs at a little donut shop I go to on Saturdays. I doubt if the guy I'm going to tell you about has ever read your book...but he's a walking advertisement for it.

The only other person out there with me was an elderly woman, who was about 8 years older than God. A guy pulls up in this old caddie with a USMC license plate on the front bumper. He's about a few minutes younger than her. This old guy goes in, orders a bag of donuts, and comes back out. He walks right up to her table and says: "Hi ya, toots. You're a classy lookin' dame. Are you friendly?"
She says, "How dare you call me some dame. My given name is Julia"

This guy never misses a beat. He says, "Got your feathers ruffled, did I? Well, you know the first airplane I ever rode in during the war started witha J, too. She was a hardbody, with a shapely tailpiece. I still remember what it felt like to run my hand over her headlights."

The old girl, says, "That's atrocious. You better have a seat sailor. It sounds like you been away from shore for too long."

It was all I could do to keep from busting up laughing. I didn't know whether to throw a blanket over them or go give this codger a high five. He had it down, buddy, just like you've been telling us. This guy could be me 35 years from now if I follow what you teach.

Keep getting the word out, Dave. We'll still be using it when we're on Viagra.
C.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

I love this story. Use the things I'm teaching you and hopefully you'll find success before you're 100 years old and cruising the old folks home for babes... But, as you can see, the Cocky and Funny technique works even if you ARE cruising the old folks home...

***QUESTION***

Well, what can I say, David, you're a dating God! Your book is nothing less than a masterpiece. Now that i've got a good handle on some of your techniques, I've had no problem meeting women. I've recently started dating a woman whom is a pleasant distraction. My fear is she is falling way to hard for me. My problem is, my friend of two years who I've been smitten with since the beginning is now single. There is another guy friend of hers who has recently made his feelings known for her. I'm pretty sure there has always been chemical tension underneath our friendship. She has told me things like you have the sexiest voice ever, I listen to your cd every night cause I love falling asleep to the sound of your voice, when you're lost in thought you have the sexiest eyes. We went for coffee last night and she touched me 3-5 times on the hand.

The problem comes in that before your book I was the nice sensitive guy always bearing my feelings, catering to a woman's needs, and very humble. Now i've got a great routine down for getting dates but she doesn't know me as that type of person. So i don't know how to approach trying to instigate a relationship with her. Any suggestions??
A.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yes, I have any suggestions...

KEEP DOING WHAT WORKS!!! DON'T TURN BACK INTO A WUSS NOW THAT YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO GET THE GIRL YOU REALLY LIKE!!!

Wow, I don't use that many exclamation marks very often. And for the girl who is smitten with you... let her down easy. This is a great opportunity to borrow a technique from our book of female dating tactics. It's called:
"You're really nice, but I think that we should be friends."
All's fair in love and war... just don't be a bastard.

***QUESTION***

First off...you are the smartest man alive. I have really enjoyed reading your litterature and it has helped me build a confidence I've never had before. Here's the question....I recently visited an "exotic dance club" and met an "exotic dancer". I used the cocky funny attitude and had a nice chat before my lap dance. Within minutes afterward... I got her e-mail addy. The problem is...The setting in which we met and the circumstances involved. How can I start a relationship with her without her seeing me as a customer...or a pervert that liked what he saw and just wants more? I know it can be done I just need a little insight from the master. Help me out Mr. Miagi.

Sincerely,
Daniel-son

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Start a RELATIONSHIP? With an exotic dancer? After talking to her for a few minutes?

OK, let's do a quick reality check before you do something that you'll regret for a long time...
About 80-90% of the time, exotic dancers are the LAST type of woman for a "relationship".

If you're interested in taking things to the next level, you need to be cocky and funny, bust her balls a lot, make sure you keep being a challenge, etc. Of all the people in the world, these women are probably pursued by the most men. If, after going out with her for AT LEAST several months you can prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that:
1) She's not addicted to drugs or alcohol
2) She doesn't smoke like a fire and have dirty-carpet breath
3) She wasn't sexually molested by more than a dozen times
4) She isn't manic-depressive, bi-polar, or borderline
5) You can deal with the idea that she's not quitting for you

Then maybe you might consider a "relationship." I mean, hey... most exotic dancers are bi-sexual. And I've heard that some of them even know other cute girls (but I'm not certain on this one). In any case, don't forget the protection. Big time.

***QUESTION***

Your like a god to me! I've been going out about five times as much as I used to (which wasn't much) and women see me in a new way. Now for the important part. I stepped up my cocky/funnyness to the max and this one girl is crazy about me. She delayed one date, never stopped appologizing. I teased her for it all night. She keeps acting so needy and I can't get enough of it (I don't tell her) but that brings up a question. If she is acting needy to me and I can't get enough of it, why did women dump me when I used to act needy? Please put something about this in your newsletter.
Bye.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

What's with all the God comments this week? Let's stick with David from now on... I'm not ready for all of the responsibility.
As for your situation...
The reason why it's fun for you having her act needy is YOU'VE HAD IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND ALL YOUR LIFE!
It's a nice change.

But trust me, after a short while it gets old. If she keeps it up, you'll see. Eventually a mechanism will kick in and you'll lose your liking for it... just like women do at a very young age. But enjoy it while it's fresh and fun.

***SUCCESS STORY***

For 18 months I tried to score with this woman I wanted but because she saw me as needy she kept the "goodies" away from me. Now one night I stopped trying. I focused on having a good time. I was determined to be polite to her but ignore her and make no moves. I danced with other women, I drank, I had fun. The more independant, confident and fun-loving I became the more attractive I became. Things changed. She wasn't used to being ignored. She felt left out. She then put out and seduced me by the end of the night. I wasn't even trying and I wasn't even nervous!!!

A few months later I bought your book Dave and realised that for 18 months I'd been doing it wrong. Little did I know but that fateful night was the way to do it right. I've been doing it right since then. Thanks Dave.
Regards.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Congratulations, good job, and keep it up.

***COMMENT FROM A WOMAN***

On behalf of all women, I think your e-mail sucked the other day. :)

I am so tired of dating cheap men. There is nothing wrong with a man who is able to provide doing so. Let's face it, men make more money than women. I'm not a gold digger. Not at all. I'm 34 years old. I own my own townhouse which I am struggling to get by with the mortgage and expenses having been laid off by IBM after almost 7 years.

I do like the e-mail first idea, in fact that is always what I initiate when I'm out. I'd much rather do that to get to know someone before the dinner out but the LAST thing I want to do is have someone show up late and let me know right up front that he's not willing to buy me a cup of tea.

I just spent almost five months with someone who was making three times my income and we went Dutch on everything. Am I wrong to *want* someone to flip the bill for me? I don't think so.
Warm regards...

>>>MY COMMENTS:

No, there's nothing "wrong" with you "wanting" someone to take care of the bill. But there's also nothing wrong with a man not paying... or even better, avoiding typical expensive dating situations all together. I personally think that starting off a relationship by paying for things creates an imbalance that isn't very healthy. As an interesting aside: You spent FIVE MONTHS paying your own way. He obviously had something else going for him if you spent that long with him... hmmmmm.

***SUCCESS STORY***

I found your site a couple of months ago and subscribed to your newsletters and I downloaded the book . I'm 18 years old and I'm in my first year of college, so you can imagine the hot, young women that are there .

Anyways, I've always been the "wuss, loser, nothing more than a friend" type of guy (man it hurts to admit it) but since i started reading your e-mails i've gotten so much better. Some of my girlfriends don't see me as a friend anymore (I can't imagine what your book will do ). So not long ago I'm sitting where everyone goes to eat and they're playing "The Fast And The Furious " on the tv's when I look down and this really beautiful woman keeps looking at me . So by the second time our eyes meet, I smile , at that same moment I'm thinking, "Wait !!! , remember the e-mails, you always do this and you always end up as a friend". The problem was that she had 2 more of her friends on the table with her, but she wouldn't expect me to get up and go to her, so I got up from my chair and went up to her, she had that "what is he doing" look, then I sat down on the table and said, "Hi , I know I'm pretty and that your attracted to me, but could you maybe hide your impulses". Of course this was said in a funny way, with a cocky look. Her friends started laughing and said, "she was that obvious , huh?" She was shocked at the beginning but she relaxed and started laughing. Almost immediately after that her friends said they were hungry and left, so I asked for her name and thought to myself, "Forget the e-mail , just ask her number ". She gave me her celular number , but I haven't called her yet. Anyway thanks for your great advices and I'll keep you posted on the outcome.

P.S. For all you wusses out there , you can change you don't always have to be this way . Buy the damn book !!!!!!"
L.M.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

I couldn't agree more.

Did this article shine some light on your present dating success and how you can improve? Sure it did.

David D.